I’ve always had the flair for girls even before same sex marriage was banned in my country. They put it to law that’s it’s a crime to be gay, and it comes with a sentence of 14years imprisonment. I’ve always wondered how I’d cope in a world where I can’t truly be myself. I saw myself as a stranger among people around me. I was different from them and didn’t mingle nor made friends to avoid condemnation because I knew no one would understand me, they’d all be poised to judge me and as such I kept everyone at arms length and didn’t have any close friends except for my brother as he was the only one who understood me. Before you criticize me, I was born this way. Never for once have I had butterflies in my stomach or get that jerk girls get when they see a very cute hot and sexy dripping dude with the finest physique. You know your every day cute guy with broad shoulders and thick arms, yeah right, instead I get those mad urges when I see a very beautiful lady with the curves in the right places.
Now don’t blame my parents, they tried everything possible to change my sexual orientation right from the very moment I became persistent with asking why I didn’t have a penis like my twin brother. We’ve been to several prayer houses to cast out the said demon not to talk of the many counselling sessions I’ve had as a teenager. I was forced to wear sexy clothes and of course was banned from wearing trousers except tights. My mother would call me and cry out her eyes trying to make me understand that it was not only a sin but a shame to have intimate feelings for your fellow girl. She called it an abomination! and begged me to stop that I was not just her only girl child but I was also an”Ada”. She kept on saying I’ve brought shame to her and now she can’t stand and brag at “Umuada” meetings anymore. As for my Dad, he stopped referring to me as his daughter when I clocked 20 . He called me and said since I’ve refused to be what God created me to be and have decided to let the devil use me, he’s not going to be a party to therefore, I’m no longer his child and shouldn’t refer to him as father anymore. Yes he disowned me that night of my 20th birthday and ended his talk with “I wish you well and hope you find what you’re looking for” .
You might be wondering how my parent found me out. It was a sunny afternoon, I had just returned from school with my brother and there was no one at home. I suggested we go to our neighbor’s house and wait for my mom as we usually did whenever she was out. My neighbor’s daughter was about the same age with me but she looked a bit older. She was quite tall but I was taller than her and she had thick black curly hair with a round face. She was beautiful and I liked her very much. When we knocked, she was the one who opened up and let us in. We greeted her mom and walked straight to the visitors lounge where we’d stay till our mom came for us. Ashley as she was called came over to keep us company. She dragged me to her room and said she wanted to show me something. I followed her leaving my brother with the toys he was now playing with. When we got to her room, she showed me her new teddy and said her Uncle who stays in the states got it for her. I collected the teddy and stared at it, all the while telling her how beautiful it was. She kept on giggling and then came and sat very close to me. How it happened I really can’t explain but we were kissing and touching our private parts when her mom barged in and saw what we were doing. She was livid with anger and asked me out of the room. When my mom came, she narrated what happened and told her Ashley would never do such and I was the bad influence. My mom thanked her for letting us stay and told her she shouldn’t conclude on who was the bad influence until they had both quizzed us. I was 12 when it happened and afterwards, the signs and signals were no longer hidden from my parent as I was involved in several cases in school and was suspended twice for such. By the time I was done with secondary school, my parent were frustrated at what I had become sexually. My brother on the other hand was understanding. He told me we don’t choose who to fall in love with and most times, I find comfort in his words. When my Father disowned me, he threatened to leave the house if I was sent out. My Dad was forced to pay my fees and let me stay.
A year after graduating from the University, I lost my mom. It broke my heart because irrespective of everything, she never for once abandoned me. She’d always tell me she believes I’d change and if I don’t, she’d questioning God once she gets to the afterlife. As a family we had our good times and fun times despite the underlying issues regarding my sexuality but when my mom died, everything changed. My Dad couldn’t bear the pain and removed himself from everybody and everything. My Brother was heart broken and didn’t speak to anyone. Few months afterwards, my Dad died. He had refused to eat after my mom died and Ulcer claimed him. Nobody knew about my sexuality except my immediate family and my girlfriend. After we buried my Dad, I left the country. My brother decided on running the company and stayed back.
Today, I’m living my life to the fullest. I’m currently married to my girlfriend Ashley. Yes we continued our rendezvous secretly. I’m based overseas with Ashley, and she’s expecting or rather we’re expecting. She’s 4months gone and I can tell you this past few days has been awesome. My brother is also married with kids. I sincerely hope one day, the world would come to understand that “We don’t choose who to love”.
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